Fear and Loathing in N.D.

No, this won’t be a review of Hunter S. Thompson’s title I’ve alluded to.

Something I feared most happened: I slipped leaving work last night. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if I weren’t pregnant. Thankfully, I fell to the left, on my left palm, scraping under my left knee. It was scary and in my heightened emotional state, I bawled my eyes out.

Rising temperatures during the day is causing the snow to melt and then refreeze as the sun sets. I don’t even know if they salt the walk or use ice melt of any kind. Roads, walkways aren’t in the greatest shape as cleanup isn’t happening, or at least good cleanup. I know this and so I’m extra cautious. I won’t be using the side door to leave work. Now I both fear going out and loathe it.

Fear I’ll slip again. Loathe going out to run errands, spend eight hours or more at work in silence and interact with people, forcing small talk and pleasantries. Yes, it’s part of growing up and “adulting” to put on a happy face and power through it.

I’m trying. Trying to find ways to cope with where we’re at: joining WeChat forums, blogging, Bulletjournaling, cooking, reading, and reconnecting with friends and family.

These are all things I’m doing that are so far from Bismarck so I know I need to find at least something within my immediate vicinity to keep me occupied. Pregnancy or another mom-type support group? Can I attend such a group if baby Z isn’t here yet? Maybe use the calendar of events in the paper to find something I may be even minutely interested in attending?

So many of the “events” around town revolve around coffee, alcohol, food, or hobbies that may put baby Z in harm’s way. I can only do so much reading, especially when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and life post-baby. I’m easily overwhelmed by just how much information, contradictory no less, is out there.

I know it’s going to get better. Baby Z will be here soon. ZJ and I will get the immense pleasure of parenthood. It will still be scary and maybe overwhelming but the good will quash the bad.

Fear and loathing will soon give way to much better emotions: joy, happiness, awe (peppered with pain, aches because let’s face it childbirth isn’t merely rainbows and butterflies!)

7 thoughts on “Fear and Loathing in N.D.

  1. autumnashbough says:

    That is terrifying. My sister-in-law broke her ankle on some steps in November at 9 months pregnant. Being unemployed, I couldn’t say no when my brother asked me to come help out with his invalid wife and toddler daughter.

    It was a nail-biter every time she went up stairs. In the end, though, baby and mom were fine.

    I guess prenatal yoga isn’t big in ND?

  2. Susan Blumberg-Kason says:

    Oh, no! I feel twice on the ice when I was pregnant with Rachel and ended up in the ER both times, but was totally fine. Both were on my way to work, so my boss was not happy I was late those two days. I also cried and felt so overwhelmed, but there are so many other things to do in Chicago that don’t involve drinking and all those other things you mentioned. Big hugs and love!

  3. Laura Demsey says:

    Have you tried Meetup.com? You can search for interest groups that pertain to… pretty much anything – writing/blogging, pregnancy/motherhood, food/drink, nerdy/geeky stuff, movies, music, languages, and anything in between – and find people you have something in common with. Kyle started his own Meetup group recently and has been having a lot of luck finding folks he clicks with!

    • maklu001 says:

      We did try Meetup though it’s been awhile since we attended an event. That’s awesome that Kyle set up his own group and definitely an angle of using the app I hadn’t explored. 🙂

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